I woke upp in a very early morning today , and now it is just past sharp 8 am. i can't sleep well , i miss everything - wheres i can't manage myself to get out of the box about it. Last night I was aslept at 3.30 am in widad's room. I managed to covered upp my task , and Alhamdulillah i can tell that it looks fine ; not as good as other person drawing , but i've tried so hard , like I wanted to quit very much you know how hard  it is to be apart of archi family - lack of sleep and squeezing time for 8 subjects wheres the most time we had is on design and graphic. And today was the day of day mann , I will wait for mama to text me - Im speechless now.

Last morning too , I had a pretty bad abusive-fight with hubby , im terriblely sad - I knew it is all about me , my own mistakes , and I myself donno how to make it better ,

Bee , I was seriously in love with you and I am doing this whole of studies-time for our future , I love you and I cant afford to lose you , I really hoping that you will understand , I only have you mama and adik-adik and also my dua tiga ketol friends , I wanted you to be there always by my side , kiss me in the forehead like you always do. Im struggling bee , Im trying to be the best for everyone that i've mention above. And Im sick of my tiredness , sometimes I felt sucks - Life can you be good to me ? Regardless , Im a strong person - but im ain't one of them. Hurm , please bee I love you.

This morning was heavily pouring-tears of the sky , hurm I understand the actual fact - mama face it in a very hard way ; remember mama i'll always there by your side and adik-adik no matter how busy I am. Im just effin missing home and us like before , you know that we spend almost of our past-time together , I miss you mama. Don't ask me why is it my tears pouring down now , Im just feeling not good and Im sooo sad. Can other people understand me beside mama ? No i dont think so , beside my bee. I can be somebody that acting cool eventhough she was dying sad , but when it comes to the part of my bestfriend in life , I can say that mama is the one.

Goodluck ma , remember that i will always by your side in any way of life. You have to be strong ma , I love you ! Take care ma , you can always find me for whatever needy you need. And bee , thank you for inspiring my life , without you and mama I am no one. And thank you Allah , for giving me my beloved mama and hubby , Alhamdulillah Ya Rahim.